Monday, March 9, 2009


Anyone trying to attain a disagreement
free relationship is looking for a
Utopian ideal they’ll never find. No
matter how hard your efforts, you’re
going to disagree about something your
partner says or does at least a few
times. The attention you give to
avoiding arguments would be more wisely
spent learning how to make the most of
a disagreement.

Many people compare life to a game that
we play. If life is a game, then
arguing is one tactic of playing that
game. Since you know at some point
you’re going to be involved in a
disagreement with your partner, it
makes sense for you both to learn the
rules of this particular area of the
game. Let’s face it; no one truly
enjoys being upset. If you’re arguing
you can’t be loving. These argument
guidelines were created to help you
discover what the disagreement is
really about, handle the problem and
get back to loving each other.

Listed below are guidelines you should
both agree to follow. Consider them
your rules of engagement.

1. Don’t talk if you’re too emotional
about the situation.
Things you say in the heat of the
moment have a way of leaving a damaging
mark on your relationship. Instead of
lashing out while you’re still
emotional, go out and take a 10 to 20
minute walk. Getting away from the
situation will help you cool off and
gain a much-needed new perspective.

2. Leave the past where it belongs…in
the past.
It is a natural tendency to want to
compare current situations to other
situations that may have occurred in
the past. It gives us our sense of
security and pattern in life.
Unfortunately, no one wants to
continually be reminded of their past
wrong-doings. By bringing up everything
you don’t like about them or what
they’ve done, it can emotionally push
your partner away from you. Who wants
to be around, or open up to, someone
who only makes them feel bad about
themselves? Keep your disagreements
about the problem you are actually
dealing with at this time.

3. Take turns relaying your viewpoints.
Let one person say what is bothering
them first. Then, let the other person
rebuttal or give their viewpoint.
Continue until you both feel like the
other person has understood what you’re
saying. Remember though, just because
your partner may not agree with you
does not mean they didn’t hear or
understand what you’re saying. The goal
of a disagreement is not to bend the
other person to your thoughts or side
of the story. It is to come to an
agreement, mutually, that benefits all
people involved.

4. Try to really understand your
partner’s viewpoint.
It is so easy to get caught up in how
we have felt wronged, that many times
we forget to truly take a look at the
other person’s viewpoint on the
situation. Really put yourself in their
shoes, and see how you would have acted
differently in the same situation. More
often that not, you’ll find after an
honest look, you would have done the
same thing.

5. Find a solution to the problem
Once you’ve both identified that there
is a problem, and what the exact
problem is, you need to come to a
solution that benefits each other. To
do this, each person should be
responsible for coming up with a
solution they feel will end the
problem. Share your ideas and agree to
a compromise, if needed, to the

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